Hyperbole: I Know About That

By Barrister Wells

Jonathan Safran Foer’s second journey into the world of literature drops the reader into the life of Oskar Schnell, a precocious nine-year old that possesses above average intelligence and a seemingly endless line of questions. Dealing with the pain of losing his father in the attacks of September 11, Oskar embarks on a journey through New York City to solve the final puzzle left to him by his father – a key, in an envelope, in a vase, in a closet. Intrigued? Read on.

Seriously though, I’m not going to bore you with the details of the story. I enjoyed the book and highly recommend you read it. In all honesty, this book was well received by the GBCoA and for the most part negative comments were kept to a minimum. After all, it got the bad taste of Lullaby out of our mouths. But, in the spirit of the holiday season, I’d like to share with you one of my favorite Festivus traditions, you guessed it – the airing of grievances:

1. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Oskar. He was an extremely good protagonist whose plight is incredibly identifiable to those grieving the loss of a loved one. That being said, his shenanigans were extremely hard to stomach at times. I can count at least five times that I wanted to punch him square in the mouth*. I mean, talk about an incredibly trusting youth willing to jump into the nearest van that promises candy and puppies. Oskar wanders about New York City, often unaccompanied, venturing into strangers' houses, handing out his apartment key and sharing details of his life that would have any pedophile twirling their mustache with anticipation. Which brings me to my next point;
2. Where the hell was his mom? It’s infuriating how a small child can be allowed to be-bop through Brooklyn, the Bronx and Central Park, at night no less, with no sign of worry from his extremely distant mother. Well, come to find out, his mom knew what he was up to the entire time. She wasn’t an absentee mom, she was just an incredibly horrible one.
3. Nowhere Zones: Don’t even get me started on these. If you ever want to intentionally piss me off, just mention nowhere zones in my vicinity. I’ll come at you like a tornado of teeth and fingernails.
4. Spoiler Alert: I don’t mean to tell any tales out of school here, but Oskar’s grandfather really chapped my ass. I mean, say a goddamn word for crying-out-loud. Yeah, I know, the horrors of war, tragic love-loss, blah, blah, blah. You know who else experienced the horrors of war and tragic love-loss? Everybody else from your generation! Get on with your life and grow a pair. You’re acting extremely childish and incredibly selfish.
5. The pictures. Actually I liked the pictures. I have no problem with the pictures. They made me feel like I was reading an extreme amount of pages at an incredible rate. Pictures are good. Other authors should steal a page or two from Foer’s playbook.

Now that that’s out of my system, I have to say Foer’s follow-up to Everything is Illuminated is an extremely interesting read and at times incredibly poignant. The unique style of Foer’s writing (although not all GBCoA members would agree) was very much appreciated and welcomed. In conclusion, if you only read one book in 2009 chronicling a nine-year old boy dealing with the loss of his father in the September 11 attacks, make it this one.

*Note: The Gentlemen’s Bookreader’s Club of America in no way endorses or supports the use of physical violence against children. But seriously, someone needed to smack a little sense into that kid.

Overall rating: 1.25 Beaver Pelt Hats

Barrister Lichtenauer: +1
Barrister Russell: -2
Barrister Shaw: +2
Barrister Wells: +4

Meeting Place: In honor of Oskar's search for the lock that fit his key, we had planned to meet at the Keyhole Tavern, however, inclimate weather forced us to change plans and meet at a bar that was both extremely loud and incredibly close - McFadden's.

Next Up: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

An Open Letter to Chuck Palahniuk - or - How Lullaby Made Me Want to Put Myself To Sleep

By Barrister Lichtenauer

We get it. You’re subversive. We get it. You hate people and society. We get it. You like to imagine different and creative ways to undermine pop culture. We. Get. It.

Can we move on? Please? It’s the same in all your books. Listen, I realize that I’m probably being too hard on you. But here’s the thing, I was the one who recommended this book for the book club and you made me look like an asshole.

It started off really well:

• Cool style
• Unique subject matter
• Great foreshadowing

Then it fell off a cliff. I had to look my fellow bookreaders in the eye and tell them, “No, I didn’t know it was about magic and spells” and “Yes, I hated all the characters too.”

Seriously man. We all actually had a debate about if were you trying too hard or if you had just given up. I said you were trying too hard. I figured that you had exhausted your whole society-hating routine and were grasping at straws so you pulled out magic. MAGIC. However, we came to the consensus that you, in fact, could have cared less about this book. Your publisher probably signed you for like 6 books and this was number 5. Just struggling to get through the contract.

For those of you who haven’t had a chance to regret reading this book, it’s about some stupid poem that kills people. Some stupid journalist gets hold of it and kills a bunch of people. He meets up with a stupid real estate broker and her gross assistant and they try to destroy it all. They also find some other book full of stupid magic spells that let them do things like have middle-age sex floating in a ballroom. Unfortunately, it was a lot more detailed than that – but I didn’t really leave anything out. Oh! Except that the hero of the story accidentally has sex with his dead wife… talk about a cold fish! Hahaha! Get it? That was terrible and I apologize.

Overall, The Gentlemen Bookreader’s Club of America felt that the book was an easy read. Engaging. Flowing. Interesting. It’s just the subject matter that really disappointed everyone. The character’s were universally annoying. The book involved a few twists but they weren’t surprising or gut-wrenching or emotion-evoking at all. Thanks but no thanks Mr. Palahniuk.

Shout out to Barrister Russell for his headline suggestion of "Palahniuk Introduces New Suicide Method for Readers". Nice try.

Overall rating: .625 Clubbed Baby Seals

Barrister Lichtenauer: -1
Barrister Russell: +.5
Barrister Shaw: -1
Barrister Wells: -1

Meeting Place: This book was about contradictions between nature and man. How man moved west and tried to improve upon nature but ended up irreparably harming it. That's why we chose Ted's Montana Grill in the Power & Light District. A place that that claims to be eco-friendly but serves huge helpings of American Bison. You know, because there's a ton of those around nowadays.

Next Up: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer